Wednesday, 30 January 2019

Waxwings



I've been a birdwatcher since I was 8 but I'd never seen a waxwing. They are the celebrities of the bird world, guaranteed to attract crowds wherever they go. Each winter there is the slightest chance they will arrive at a berry bush near you, and when they do, they will strip it bare and depart without a backward glance!


waxwing eating berries
Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bohemian_waxwing#/media/File:Bohemian_Wax_Wing.jpg


I don't have a car, so when I saw during my breaktime internet browsing one Friday that waxwings had arrived in Totton, right on a bus route (!!) I knew it was time to act. I called my mum, who also had never seen a waxwing and also always wanted to, and we made plans to meet up the next day. In the Totton Asda carpark, for that is where the waxwings were. Supermarket carparks are the classic place to see waxwings as the berry trees they like are often planted in and around them, presumably just because the trees are pretty with berries in the winter and blossom in the spring.


I really didn't know if we would see them. But while the bus was sloooowly making its way towards Totton I had a call from my mum: 'the waxwings are here! I'm looking at them right now, don't worry it doesn't look like they are going anywhere any time soon!'


Well, you can't count on that. And the bus seemed to be taking forever! But finally there I was in Totton, and fortunately it's not hard to find large supermarkets that are in the middle of towns. But....where was the carpark? All I could see was the storefront. I desperately went in and made a beeline for the set of doors on the other side...sure enough there was the carpark and a ring of people standing in the middle gazing at...? I couldn't see anything!


I swear in birdwatching there's always this moment of almost panic when a bird is apparently right there in front of you but you're convinced the minute you try to look will be the moment it will fly away. That's what I was worrying about when I zoomed over to my mum, who was part of the circle of attendees, to ask where on earth the waxwings were. They were right in the top of the tree, just sitting around like they owneed the place, and thankfully did not fly away in the space of time where I raised my binoculars up to my face! So that was a relief. I had finally seen waxwings!




They spent most of their time while we watched on this tree above, which wasn't a berry tree, but it seems that even waxwings can't scoff berries non-stop, they do eventually have to stop to digest! Their loafing around was handy for all the observers, with their long lens cameras and telescopes, and for the many interested passers by who wanted to know what all the fuss was about. It felt like a special occasion: people were taking snaps of the birds on their phones, borrowing binoculars for a closer look, reminiscing about seeing waxwings at their school playground when they were children. So many people seemed interested and happy to see them, and more than I expected already knew about waxwings and mentioned having seen them before.



Suddenly, almost as one, the waxwings took off but they didn't go far. Nearby was a smaller tree that had been planted in one of those tiny plots of soil surrounded by concrete, and it was still had plenty of bright orange berries left. This was the tree that had won their favour and attracted them to this carpark, among probably hundreds of berry trees in the area. The waxwings descended on the tree and started to glub down the berries, swallowing them whole, and the cameras really started going off then because 1. everyone wants a shot of waxwings doing what waxwings do, and 2. as you can see the light wasn't great that day and not being silhouted against the sky helped you to see their colours! I may not have a long lens but here is my attempt.




Not sure how well you can see in that picture but the tree is about 2/3rds picked clean. Below is a shot I took after they eventually did fly away. It's a berry massacre!





They hadn't gone far though, and were seen again by my mum a few hours later and reported that afternoon too, and for the next few days. The same group of 11 birds had been moving between the Asda carpark and another apparently extra delicious berry tree in a residential street nearby for a few days by the time I saw them (5.1.19). They are long gone now, but you can be sure that they ate every single berry on those trees before they left!



It's not often you see really interesting birds so close up so I decided to do some sketches. When it comes to drawing in situations like this, capturing the feel and character of the bird has to come before detail and absolute accuracy.




I did catch wind that the Totton Asda waxwings caused a bit of backlash as the number of days they stayed increased, and I guess I'm not really surprised- lots of people in the middle of a carpark who are too busy looking up into trees to look where they are going can cause all kinds of problems. But when I was there, everyone was happy. That's why it was so wonderful, a true sharing experience between birdwatchers and non-birdwatchers alike. In fact I would say the only person who was unhappy that day was the owner of THIS car:



You can imagine that person thinking 'but...I didn't even park under a berry tree!!' Nope but you parked under a tree full of waxwings who had been scoffing berries all winter and it ends up coming to the same thing!

Saturday, 5 January 2019

New Year New Start

This time last year I had a serious depressive episode and had to move back in with my parents for several weeks until I was better. While what I went through was not as bad as what some mentally ill people have been through, it was one of the hardest things I personally have been through. I can't really remember how bad it was because that's one of the functions of being a lot better now. But I just found this mindfulness colouring book thingy I was using at the time. I had been a bit scornful of those before but one of the GPs I saw said why don't you try this as a way to pass the endless and never ending hours that never end, to try and wait this out, and it did kind of work as a neutral thing to concentrate on rather than thinking the dark thoughts.








They are pretty and I like them, but looking at them now gives me a weird feeling that's probably the closest I can get now to feeling like I did back then.


The depressive episode was because I was switching to a new medication, one that had been selected for me after a psychologist's assessment instead of a GP guessing. Once I had got over the hard start, 2018 was the first year where I really felt 'well, I can start moving on with life now'. I was depressed since age 12, which is when I started to realise I was always tired no matter how much I slept. It runs in my family. Being better after all this time is a big deal, even though on the outside I may not seem any different to most people.


2017 was one of the worst years I've ever had for my mental health. I was on a medication that wasn't working at all, but I didn't really realise this. I thought all my thoughts of being the worst, most awful person in the universe were really true and what I deserved. It was a vicious cycle- I had thoughts about being the most awful person, and then I assumed those thoughts were appropriate because I was indeed the most awful person, and that in fact my thoughts were really a sign that I really was the most awful person, it never ended. Oh yeah and after all that I'd get on at myself for being self centred in thinking I was the most awful person!


It's truly delightful to be free of that cycle and all the other ones I had going on. I originally made this blog in 2017 because I thought writing in it about media I loved/had thoughts about might help me feel a bit less shit. Stuff like books, games, movies etc. I kept writing blog posts in my head, and replaying the Ace Attorney games over and over was one of the only things that made me feel the slighest bit OK so I planned a tonne of posts about them in particular. But it turned out I wasn't very good at writing- I ramble on, get derailed, start hating what I've done halfway through and start again and never finish anything. Worst of I'm terrible at motivating myself to start writing in the first place. So all that added up to me leaving the blog inactive.


But! I want to start again, and not overthink it re: subject matter, just write whatever the hell I feel like. I spent a lot of time adjusting my personality to suit people around me, especially people who I would have called my friends, and I'm only just learning to not do that! So I feel it is time to celebrate the person I really am, underneath, and not worry.


So let me introduce myself! I'm E, short for Esther, short for Aesther (not really).


Also here is me doing a face because I realised I started doing way less faces after I got my short hair cut (I always used to do weird faces in pictures, it was my thing).


The thinking face is how you know I have deep thoughts! See you soon. Love you. <3